2012?

With the beginning of a new year coming up, a lot of people reflect on the year that is coming to a close. They think of all the things that they did, all the things other people did, and a lot of things that they could have done. They regret missing opportunities and not doing things that they promised themselves they would do at the beginning of the last year. They then make new promises to themselves saying that they won't fall into the same rut that they have been in their whole lives, and that they will finally do the things they say they will. They promise themselves that they will make it through the first two months and be strong, and such things. There always seems to be these kinds of people, every year.

I am not one of these people. I am satisfied with how 2011 turned out. I challenge 2012 to be as much fun and to have as much to offer as its predecessor. I say, ring in the new year will warning bells. Let's not give this new year too much credit until it has given us a reason to do so. I'm not jumping on the 2012 band wagon until 2012 shows what it can do for me. So far all it has given me is a pretty lame movie with coolish special effects. I think we need more than that.

The Avengers

For work at OrangeSoda we had a major Halloween party. We were encouraged to dress up. I dressed up as The Avengers....all of them.

Captain America's shirt and shield
Iron Man's helmet and chest light
Thor's hammer and hair
The Hulk's shorts and legs
Hawkeye's bow
Black Widow's sleeves and gloves
Nick Fury's eye patch

...as defined by society

"Book Smart" - Knowing things that nobody cares about and aren't useful

"Street Smart" - Gangster

"Good Parenting" - Keeping your kids from bothering other people

"Facebook" - One last attempt at some kind of social life

"Time" - Proof that someone is late

"Hero" - A fictional character

"Manners" - Actions that keep a date around, at least through dinner

"Blog Post" - Something I read to take up time, even if it makes me dumber

Hit List

There are various ways to rate the importance of an individual. Sometimes people vote to place an individual in a position of importance. There are poles for celebrities as to how well they are liked or how much they are disliked. But there is one level of importance that few people reach, but that I hope to at some point in my life. This is, the hit list.

Being important enough that someone wants you dead has got to be a great honor. Most people just go on living their lives, and nobody cares that they are going on living their lives. Is that truly a life?

Who are some of the greatest people you can think of in history? Gandhi? Abraham Lincoln? John Lennon? There is just a few without even getting Biblical. Others include JFK, Martin Luther King Jr., Caesar, Malcolm X and Franz Ferdinand. These people meant something to someone. They were going places.

It makes me think of what I have done in my own life. It honestly hasn't been that much. It makes me think that I need to start stepping it up.

Now I don't think that I'm going to make it on the top of anyone's list. Nor even on the list of anyone that would actually follow through with it. Just to know that someone was considering it would be enough.

So on my list of things to do, is something. I just hope I can make a difference. From you I simply ask that you ignore the main message of this post and don't kill me.

the writing on the wall

I respect handicapped people. Unfortunately, when I say that I respect handicapped people, it will automatically make you think that I don't and I'm trying to compensate by saying that I do, so I probably shouldn't have started out with that. There are simply several things in this world that I don't understand, and I try to receive more understanding by bearing my soul to the vast empty spaces of the Internet. The thing that has been troubling me lately, is braille.

I just don't get it. Now I am also not saying that I think braille is useless. I think it is super cool, but I will never understand how it is read. I guess my fingers just aren't that sensitive. I have a hard enough time knowing whether my index fingers are on the home keys on my keyboard, and they are the only ones with dots.

But I see braille everywhere! ....okay, I'll admit, that was a bit insensitive. I just don't get why braille is posted on pretty much everything. I realize that it definitely has to do with the ADA, but why? It seems to me like so much if it isn't actually helping.

A commonly known one is braille on the keys of drive up ATM machines. I don't understand. In order for these to be useful, steering wheels, gas pedals, and speedometers should also have braille. There should also be dots on the side mirrors that say, "Objects in mirror are closer than they would appear."

Another is elevators. Many elevator buttons will have braille listed for every button. By the time someone using the braille actually found the button he was looking for, he would have hit every button for every floor. There is nothing that tells which floor the elevator stopped on (in most cases). How would the person know when to get off?

One that I really don't understand is room plaques. You will see these for numbered rooms, men's and women's restrooms and emergency exits. For these to be useful, one who reads braille would need to walk down every hallway with their finger running against the wall at shoulder-to-eye level. Has anyone ever seen someone doing that? I never have. The person would also have to be walking against general walking traffic, because the walls on the left would be the only ones that were written forward. Were they to walk down the right side of the hall, the braille would be backward and may say something else entirely, maybe something offensive.

There are a good sum of blind people that have K9 friends that help them out, Seeing Eye Dogs. For this reason, I think it would be a good idea for braille plaques to be smothered with bacon. This would enable those with SEDs to get directly to the plaque without scraping their finger to the bone looking for the bathroom down an airport terminal.

I know that others will not share my views. This is simply my opinion. I apologize if I offended anybody, that was not my intent. Please do not come to my home and poke angry messages into my door.

think tank

I have recently delved right into a bit of a fish frenzy. I don't really like eating fish, but I love having them. I have purchased some fish tanks and set them up with wonderful fish inside. I have also had some fish tanks that I didn't want to keep so I have sold them. With this I have found some great ways to find fish tanks that are very nice, low cost, and have pretty much everything one needs to get started.

If anyone is interested in having a fish tank, I could totally help you out. I absolutely love doing it. Just let me know.

24

I just passed my 24th birthday and kept going with my self inflicted tradition of creating a list of things I wanted to do for my birthday. The number of items on the list corresponds directly with how many years of life I am celebrating on the given birthday. As one of the items on my list was to document each item on the list with a picture, I shall share them with you. We'll go in order the things were done during the day.

#1 See if the wii fit wishes me happy birthday - It totally did.

#2 - Eat red velvet pancakes  - Delicious

#3 - Go shooting - "you missed"  "did I? a perfect match"

#4 - Play wallyball - It's kind of obvious I'm the only one playing, but we got a game together.

#5 - Climb a tree - This is the captain's chair in the cherry tree at my parents place, oh the memories.

#6 - Buy a fish - I bought 3 as well as two snails, I went off the deep end.

#7 - Drive an electric shopping cart - I even wore a boot to make it look legit.

#8 - Play with dry ice - dry ice air hockey and making fog, life's pleasures

#9 - Eat a Reisen or a Mento without chewing it - I did it with both!

#10 - Watch a Psychisode - convenient that season 5 came out just days before my birthday.

#11 - Drink Dr Pepper - This could have been just about any day

#12 - Juggle 240 consecutive catches - easy

#13 - Play a game - pretty self explanatory

#14 - 24 hit ping-pong rally - Jeff and I pulled it off

#15 - Learn a new trick - the card trick I learned is almost too good, I wowed even myself.

#16 - Eat at the Pizza Factory - bread twist!

#17 - Get a tattoo...and put it on - I decided to go with something hard core.

#18 - Talk with 24 people - I talked with EXACTLY 24. no more, no less.

#19 - Receive a back massage - why didn't I think of this type of thing earlier?

#20 - Do absolutely nothing for 10 minutes -

#21 - Solve a puzzle - what else was I supposed to do with Chelsey sleeping?

#22 - Eat cake and ice cream - 2 in 1, ice cream cake

#23 - Don't say the name Jack Bauer - Even I was surprised how difficult this one was

#24 - Document each item on the list with a picture

I finished everything with well over an hour to spare, which blew last year's list away. It was a very eventful day. I got a lot of support from my wife and family, thanks again. I'm starting to get excited for next year. I've already got some items in mind for 25.

What do you get someone for their birthday?

I have the hardest time knowing what to get people for their birthdays. I have to analyze how good of friends we are, what kinds of interests they have, what messages I'd be sending by getting something for them. It is rough. But I have found a solution. And because I don't want the same thing to happen to all of you, I have decided to help you all out.

To help you out, I have registered for my 24th birthday at Target.

Now I have narrowed down the things that you have to think about getting for me come the beginning of June! As for the other things, if you read this blog, we're probably decent enough friends. My interests are the things I've registered for. And the only message you'll be sending will be how awesome you are. Do you see the trouble I've saved you? You're welcome....and thanks in advance.

I'd catch a granade?

So many songs these days don't make any sense. They are catchy and even fun to sing along with, but if you pay attention to the words, they don't make any sense at all. Each sentence is cleverly worded so it will cleverly rhyme with the next one, but there is no connecting thought throughout any part of the song. These songs are frustrating, but there are worse.
There are songs that make sense and don't make sense at the same time. That makes them stupid. There is one in particular that comes to mind. It is a new one by Bruno Mars called, "Grenade."

I have heard it on the radio, my youngest brother listens to it, and I have heard people singing or humming it all around. Basically, this song is about a guy who loves a girl, the girl doesn't love him, so he lists off all the stuff he'd do for her. Here is the chorus:

I’d catch a grenade for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)
Throw my hand on a blade for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)
I’d jump in front of a train for ya (yeah, yeah , yeah)
You know I'd do anything for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)
Oh, oh
I would go through all this pain,
Take a bullet straight through my brain,
Yes, I would die for ya baby;
But you won't do the same

What I don't get is, what would any of this do for her? If you want to impress someone, try singing something a little more like this:

I’d catch a rainbow for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)
Grow a handful of daisies for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)
I’d jump around in my Haynes with ya (yeah, yeah , yeah)
You know I'd do anything for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)
Oh, oh
I would kiss you in the rain,
Take a ballet straight through my brain,
Oh, what I would buy for ya baby;
But you won't do the same

I can't say that this would save the song, but to me it would make a lot more sense. When I think of doing things for people it usually doesn't involve spraying gasoline on my clothes while walking on coals or pouring acid on my face. However, if Mr. Mars insists on catching a grenade for his girl, I would volunteer to throw it for the rest of humanity.

Eclipse, a movie and gum!

I recently purchased some Eclipse gum in bulk at Costco. On every single pack were plastered the faces of Edward, Bella and Jacob. It was pretty annoying at first that I had innocently purchased gum yet had inadvertently supported the Twilight franchise. But how brilliant is this marketing technique? You don't need to have your movie be popular enough that someone will make a candy or a toy named after your movie, all you need to do is title your movie with existing brands!

With this mindset, I have come up with a few movie ideas of my own. One is about a food critic in South Carolina who encounters a whole munch of problems, I'd call it "Charleston Chews." My next idea would be a movie that depicts how Bill Gates is feeling and how much money he has, I'd call it "Good and Plenty." Another would be about Marie Antoinette and how often she liked eating cake, I'd call it "Now and Later." And my personal favorite idea is a take off of Arrested Development where the magicians alliance creates an everlasting pact to keep Gob from ever performing again, I'd call it "Gobstoppers."

I think that it's a great plan and I expect to make millions. Some of that will come from the fantastic movie quality, but a good sum will come from the marketing. I feel that there are a ton of movies who came so close, but just missed the mark. If only they'd changed the names a little bit, they'd be able to make millions from marketing. Here are a few:

Sneakers - Snickers
Chocolat - Hershey's Chocolat
Recess - Reece's
Ho Ho Ho - Ho Hos
Up in the Air - 7-Up in the Air
Momento - Mentos
Charmed - Lucky Charms
Stardust - Starburst
Twister - Twizzlers
Brokeback Mountain - Jolly Ranchers

Your ideas are welcome, I'll even share royalties.

The Shampoozi Diamond

For an Intro to Theater class (easy art credit) that I took while at UVSC we had a few options for what we wanted to do for our final project. One of those options was to write a short play, more of a skit. Something reminded me of this recently so I decided to find it again. After starting to write it around 11:00 p.m. the night before it was due, this is what rolled off the press 3-4 hours later. It is a bit longer than a regular post but if you have a few minutes, I think it's worth a quick read through.

Damon McNeil

TASP 1120

Prof. Clark

28 April 2005

The Shampoozi Diamond

CHARACTERS

(In order of appearance)

Ederick

Jimothy

Tomathan

1.1                        SCENE:  Museum

                        [Enter Ederick and Jimothy]

Ederick

      Make sure that you do exactly what I tell you Jimothy, I don’t want anything to go wrong this time.

Jimothy

      Ederick, are you sure that this is a good idea? 

Ederick

      Yes.

Jimothy

      But don’t you realize what will happen to us if we get caught?

Ederick

      Yes.

Jimothy

      Well then how are you still able to go through with all of this?

Ederick

      Because if we do everything exactly as planned then nothing can go wrong, which means that you are going to have to do what Jimothy?

Jimothy

      I know, I know, I do everything exactly as you tell me to do it.  I don’t touch anything without you telling me to touch it.  I don’t talk to anybody unless you tell me to talk to them.

Ederick

      Good, it sounds like you’re catching on pretty quick.

Jimothy

      I’d be able to do this a lot better if you would just tell me the plans now.  That way I could know what to do and not have to do everything last minute. 

Ederick

      If I told you what all the plans were, then you would start thinking of how to do it your way.  And when you start trying to do things your way, that’s when things go wrong.  That’s when we’d get caught.

Jimothy

      Get caught doing what?

Ederick            (Slipping into a small closet)

      Jimothy! Get in here quick before anybody sees us!

Jimothy            (Casually walking into the closet)

      Ederick I’m not going to take one more step until you tell me everything.

Ederick

      Well that won’t be too bad, seeing how we’re going to stay in here until the museum is closed.

Jimothy

      Tell me now Ederick or I’m not going to be a part of it.  All you’ve told me so far is that we are going to be rich, but that’s not good enough now, I need to know how, and I need to know now.

Ederick

      Alright, I’ll tell you.  But you have to promise that we’ll do it my way and that you’ll do exactly what I tell you to do.

Jimothy

      Alright

Ederick

      On display in this museum are many thousands of artifacts that were found in and around King Fredward’s tomb.  One of these artifacts is the Shampoozi diamond that was found lying next to King Fredward himself.  Not only is it the biggest diamond ever found, but it is also the most clear and pure.  This diamond is worth more money than you could ever imagine.  Tonight we are going to steal it and sell it to a contact of mine in Turkey.

Jimothy

      How do you know somebody in Turkey?

Ederick

      He was a good friend of mine until the United States got a restraining order against him….or something like that.

Jimothy

      A restraining order?

Ederick

      Look, all he told me was that he had a buyer, and if I got him the diamond for him he would give me six billion dollars.

Jimothy

      SIX BILLION DOLLARS?!?

Ederick

      Yes six billion dollars, now will you shut up!  You’re going to blow this thing before we ever even start.

Jimothy

      Ederick this plan sounds wonderful, but how are we going to get this to Turkey without anybody finding out about it?

Ederick

      That’s easy, FedEx.  We’ll just mail it up there.

Jimothy

      It still sounds sketchy to me, but I’ll do it.  I’ll trust you on this one, so what do we do from here?

Ederick

      For now we just wait until midnight, when we can be sure that there is nobody left inside the building.

1.2                        SCENE:  Museum  (midnight)

            Ederick and Jimothy in closet

Ederick

      Jimothy…Jimothy wake up, it’s time.

Jimothy

      Time for what?

Ederick

      Quit acting stupid and get up!  If we’re going to get this diamond then we are going to need to have all of our sense.  Come on we need to do this quick.

Jimothy

      Alright, I’m ready.

                  [Ederick and Jimothy exit closet]

Ederick            (Looks around and spots the diamond)

      Ahhh…there she is.

Jimothy

      Who!?

Ederick

      Not who you idiot, her.  The Shampoozi Diamond.

Jimothy

      Oh, her.

                  [Ederick and Jimothy approach the diamond]

Jimothy

      This can’t be right, where is the bullet proof glass case?  Where are the surveillance cameras?  Where are the heat sensors and the motion detectors?  Ederick I have a really bad feeling about all of this, it’s probably some sort of trap.

Ederick

      Jimothy who would set this up as a trap for us?  Nobody knows anything about us.  This isn’t a trap, it’s just the most perfect set up in the world.  Now quit slapping fate in the face and let’s do this.

Jimothy

      So you’re saying that we just…pick up the diamond and walk out of here?

Ederick

      Yes

Jimothy

      And there won’t be any problems?

Ederick

      None

                  [Enter Security Guard]

Security Guard            (pulling out his gun, shining a flashlight in their faces)

      Freeze you two!

Jimothy                  (raising his hands)

      (whisper) No problems huh?

Ederick                  (raising his hands)

      (whisper) Shut up!

Security Guard

      What are you two doing in here?

Ederick

      Who us?

Security Guard

      No dummy, the other two guys trying to steal that diamond.

                  [Jimothy looks around quickly]

Ederick

      What diamond?

Security Guard

      Don’t play stupid with me.  And keep your hands where I can see ‘em!

Ederick

      So what are you going to do with us?

Security Guard

      I’ll cut you a deal and give you 50%.

Ederick

      What?

Security Guard

      You guys think that I could carry a diamond the size of a soccer ball out of here all by myself?  If you guys help me then after I sell it I’ll give you 50%.

Jimothy

      And what makes you think that we are going to help you?

Security Guard

      Because if you don’t then I call for backup.  And when that happens, the two of you go to prison for a very long time.

Jimothy

      Well neither of us would want you to do that now would we?

Security Guard

      What, and send my only two living brothers to jail?  I don’t think so.

Ederick

      Tomathan?

Tomathan

      You guys didn’t think that I was going to let you two have all the fun now did you?

Ederick

      Where is Samanthica?  I thought that you two were on your way to Paris for your honeymoon.

Tomathan

      Well…that’s only half true.

Jimothy

      Which half?

Tomathan

      She is on her way to Paris. I told her our seats were split up, so I don’t think she’ll realize that I’m gone until the plane lands.

Ederick

      What is she going to do once she figures everything out?

Tomathan

      She’ll probably have a conniption.  But by the time she catches up with me, I’ll have all this money to make things right again.

Jimothy

      I wish I understood women the way you do Tomathan.

Tomathan

      It’s really not that hard.

Ederick

      Thanks for the pep talk Tomathan, but do we really need this now?  If a real security guard sees us here he’s going to know something is up.  We look kind of suspicious with these masks, especially you with that gun.

Tomathan

      Right, they’ll arrest me for holding a gun but not for standing in a museum after hours around the diamond exhibit. 

Jimothy

      What’s that gun for anyway?  We’re not going to hold up the diamond, and we’re definitely not going to shoot it.

Tomathan

      Oh come on Jimothy, you know me better than that.  Do you really think that I would carry a real gun?

Jimothy

      It looks real.

Ederick

      So are we going to do this or what?

Tomathan

      Yeah, but if I’m in this thing then I’m in it all they way.  I need to know what all the plans are with this diamond and everything.

Ederick

      Do you remember my old friend Jackarias?

Tomathan

      The one that was banned from the U.S.?

Ederick

      Yeah, that’s the one.  Anyway, Jackarias is living in Turkey now and he is the one who told me about the diamond.  He’s got a buyer who wants this diamond more than anything.  Jackarias told me that if I got him the diamond safely then he would pay me six billion dollars.  Now I can’t prove it but I think that that is a lot of money.  Plus, we have three people working on it so that makes it eighteen billion dollars!  We’ll be rich beyond our wildest dreams!

Tomathan

      Yes we will be rich Ederick, but I think that you have your math all mixed up.  It is not a multiplication problem, it is a division problem.  It would be the original six billion dollars divided by three people.

Ederick

      Tomathan don’t take me for a fool.  I know that six billion multiplied by three is eighteen billion, so don’t try to trick me.

Tomathan

      No Ederick, I’m not trying to trick you, I’m just saying that he is only going to pay six billion dollars for this job to be done.  Whether you do it alone or you do it with fifteen other people, he is still only going to pay a total of six billion dollars.  So if you divide that six billion between the three of us, we will each have roughly two billion dollars for our own use.

Ederick

      I still say it sounds better the way that I said it.

Tomathan

      Yes it does, but that’s just not the way this all is going to work out, sorry.  But let’s not worry about that anymore, let’s just get this thing and get out of here.

Ederick

      Alright.

Jimothy

      I’m still not sure that this is a good idea.

Ederick

      Jimothy, I didn’t bring you here to think, I brought you here to help me carry this thing out of here.

Jimothy

      Ederick, if anything at all goes wrong we could end up in jail for the rest of our lives.  And is it worth it?  After all, it’s only money.

Ederick

      Only money?  Jimothy this is the most money that anybody that I’ve ever known has ever had. 

Jimothy

      But that will all be gone in an instant if even just one small detail goes wrong.  And then it won’t matter that we could be living like kings.  It may not be much what I’ve got right now but I’m not going to risk all of that just because of some dream.

Ederick

      Risk?  Dream?  Is that all you see this as?  Where is the risk in any of this?  Where are the security guards?  Where are the surveillance cameras?  Jimothy there is no risk in any of this.  All we have to do is pick up that rock, walk out of here, and send it in the mail and that’s it for us.  Then five to ten business days later, they have the diamond and we have the money in our hands, ready to be spent.  What do you think about that?

Jimothy

      Well if it is for sure as easy as you say that it is, then I guess that there really isn’t much use in arguing now is there?

Ederick

      Nope

Jimothy

      Alright then, let’s do this.

Ederick

      Tomathan, is everything okay?

                  [Tomathan in a trance]

Tomathan

      I thinkest that thou shouldst not take away that which is most precious to me.

Ederick

      Uhmn, Tomathan? What’s going on?

Tomathan

      Thou seekest to take what was kept beside my body since my death?  After my dying request was that it never again be separated from me?  Now in only a few moments you seek to undo what thousands have worked to preserve?

Jimothy

      King Fredward?

Ederick

      Jimothy, don’t be ridiculous, there is no way that this is King Fredward talking to us, he’s been dead for thousands of years.

Tomathan

      Why seemest this thing to be impossible to you? 

Ederick

      This is stupid, Tomathan snap out of it.  I’m serious, cut this out right now or I’ll be forced to hit you

Tomathan

      Wouldst thou strike a king?  Remove the rock if you dare, but be prepared.

Ederick

      That’s it!

                  [Ederick punches Tomathan and knocks him down]

Tomathan

      Ouch!

Jimothy

      You punched the king!

Ederick

      He’s not a king.

Jimothy

      You still punched him!

Tomathan

      What happened?

Ederick

      Nothing happened; let’s just get out of here.

Jimothy

      Okay, help me get the diamond!

Ederick

      Forget the diamond and let’s just get out of here!

                  [Ederick heads for the door]

Tomathan

      Hold on Ederick, what the heck is going on?  One minute you’re giving the most elaborate speeches to Jimothy of why he must go through with this and now you’re just going to back out on it all?

Ederick

      Things have changed since then.

Jimothy

      King Fredward won’t let us take it, he’ll get pissed.

Tomathan

      How is he going to get pissed?  He’s been dead for over three thousand years!

Jimothy

      He talked to us.

Tomathan

      When?

Jimothy

      A few minutes back, it was you that was saying the words, but it was King Fredward that was doing the talking.

Tomathan

      This is ridiculous!

Ederick

      No Tomathan, it’s all true, every word of it.

Tomathan

      Is this some sort of trick?  You don’t want me to be a part of your incredible wealth is that it?  Do you have any idea how much money six billion dollars is?

Ederick

      Tomathan the money has nothing to do with it.  If we take that diamond, King Fredward will somehow come back from the dead and kill us all.

Tomathan

      You are all insane!  I have already put too much on the line for this rock.  Do you realize what Samanthica will do to me if she finds out that I have abandoned her and don’t even have a decent reason for doing it?  She will kill me without even a second thought.

Ederick

      (whisper to Jimothy) If she ever had a second thought.

Tomathan
      What?

Ederick
      Agreed, without a second thought.

Tomathan

      I can’t believe that you both really believe that there is a curse on this diamond!  Curses are stupid superstitions that old Gypsies made up to keep the neighbor kids off their lawns.  They aren’t real!

Ederick

      Tomathan, I know that it was real.  I’ve never seen or heard anything like that before.  Tomathan you know that I’m not one to get scared easily.  But I’m telling you right now that there isn’t something right with that diamond.

Tomathan

      I don’t believe this.

Jimothy

      Tomathan I don’t think that you really have a choice at this point.  Ederick and I aren’t going to help you get that thing out of here, and there aint no way that you are going to be able to get that thing out of here alone.

Tomathan

      You two are really serious about this?

Ederick

      You think that we would just give up six billion dollars just as some small joke?

Tomathan

      I probably would if it were going to be funny enough.

Jimothy

      But how would Ederick or I….or anybody ever know? And how would we know if it were funny?

Tomathan

      That wouldn’t matter, cause I’d think it was funny, and that’s what really counts.

Ederick

      I suppose that would be quite some trick if you were able to do something like that and get away with it.

Tomathan

      That it would little brother....that it would.

                  [Exit Ederick, Jimothy, and Tomathan]

THE END

what movies don't you let your kids watch?

Let me start off saying that I fully support parents who regulate which movies their children watch. I think it is fully valid and that not all movies are for kids. Some kids get scared easily and don't understand what is really happening. I can see why a parent wouldn't let their young kid watch Lord of the Rings because of violence, the Usual Suspects because of language, or Brokeback Mountain because of substance abuse. It is up to the parents to decide what they know their kids can handle.

That being said I think there are a lot of people out there with rules that I just don't understand. Now I cannot vouch for the validity of all of these rules, some of them I have only heard about from tertiary, or worse, sources.

I grew up on Disney movies. I watched so many Disney cartoon movies in my youth that I beat an entire family (6 on 1) in Disney Scene It?. The Lion King is actually the only movie I have ever watched, rewound, and then watched again right after. So I was shocked to learn as a youngster that one of my friends was not allowed to watch that movie because of violence. In case you are as confused about this as I was, this apparently was referring to the scene at the end where two lions paw at each other in slow motion.

While on my mission I served with a missionary who was not allowed to watch most movies that I could see nothing wrong with. He couldn't see the Little Mermaid because she is immodest. He was not allowed to see Snow White because one lady lived with seven men. He was not allowed to see Dumbo because the title of the movies sounded derogatory. These are just the ones that I can remember, but we spent a good 15 minutes of one district meeting asking him if he had seen different movies, he had not seen at least 85% of them for one reason or another. I just don't get it.

Don't think that I fully support Disney either because I don't. As far as I'm concerned they really only have one great thing going for them, and that's Pixar. I guess I'm just trying to understand, so if you feel this same way about any of these movies, please explain why so that I can comprehend. These all seem strange to me but none of them really bothered me until I heard about this one.

I was talking to someone at work about old childhood cartoons, and I brought up DuckTales. The co-worker gets all wide-eyed and incredulous looking and says, "You would not believe! My cousins were not allowed to watch DuckTales because, now get this, ducks don't have tails, they're just feathers."

If you are a parent and don't let your kids watch some things because of content or how that content will be interpreted by a three-year-old, I stand by you. I may not understand your reasoning, but I get that. But if you have some phonetic misunderstanding inside your own head that keeps your children from enjoying the finer things in life, please call child services today.

letters to celebrities

Dear Johnny Depp,
   Why?
Sincerely,
        Damon


Dearer Penelope Cruz,
    Why?
Sincerely,
        Damon


Dear Geoffrey Rush,
    Why?
Sincerely,
        Damon


Dear Keira Knightley and Legolas,
    Good call.
Sincerely,
        Damon

Rifftrax.com

I am writing for the greater good of mankind. This is mostly being written for future generations who look back on our lives and think that we had nothing to live for. This, however, will also apply to those looking around their lives right now and think that they have nothing to live for. The answer is rifftrax.com.

For those of you who have never heard of rifftrax, it is headed by Mike Nelson along with Kevin Murphy and Bill Corbett the same trio from Mystery Science Theater 3000!! If you don't know what MST3000 is, I really can't help you.

MST3000 made fun of old movies, Rifftrax is doing the same thing but with modern movies. Unfortunately, movies don't just get better over time. People are still making movies that just suck. So why not make fun of them, turn them into comedies, and make a few bucks?

Rifftrax.com offers audio downloads that you can sync and play with your awful movies. I have watched so many movies with these Rifftrax now and I feel like most people don't know about them.

Rifftrax has done things with movies that nobody else could do. It enabled me, two of my brothers and a few guy friends to have a Twilight trilogy night. It got me to watch things like Birdemic, The Last Airbender, and the new Indiana Jones movie. There are movies that I hated but now I'm considering buying them because the rifftrax are so good!

If you don't believe me, try it out. Go to Rifftrax.com and you can look at some samples for free. You can also search "rifftrax" on YouTube and get a good taste for what is out there.

Recommendations:
The Last Airbender
Twilight trilogy
Harry Potter 1-4
Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory
The Day After Tomorrow
Reign of Fire