Blind Date

Greeting at the door:
Him- Trying to decide if she is as pretty as his roommate said she was.
Her- Hoping he's not as much of a creep as his roommate is.

Car ride to the restaurant:
Him- Keeps conversation familiar by talking about his roommate, discovering how much of the conversation she will dominate all night.
Her- Finds out how close he and his roommate are, creep factor is now generally known, generally unknowingly dominates conversation.

Dinner:
Him- Hopes she'll order something cheep-ish, finally determines prettiness factor, tries to eat enough to be filled, but not look like a pig.
Her- Hopes he's not cheep, decides if she does not want to go out with him again.

Car ride back:
Him- Decides whether he'd like another date, wonders if he's going to get dessert, chuckles at himself for thinking of 'dessert' right after dinner (depending on decision- hope he can get the mints out of his glove compartment without it being awkward.)
Her- Decides whether she wants dessert, chuckles at herself for thinking of 'dessert' right after dinner, wonders if he's just chuckling because she is (depending on decision- goes through her meal wondering if there were onions or garlic)

Doorstep:
Him- Makes a comment either stating that it was kind of nice, or that they should get together again sometime, according to previous decision either takes some action or not, accordion to her decision either gets some action or not.
Her- Either responds to possible comment made about a future date or avoids it, according to his previous decision she has the option to get some lip-service or not, according to her decision either grants him his wish or shuts him down like a bad date.

After date:
Him- Depending on prettiness factor determined either brags about getting action (even if he didn't) or complains to roommate about getting set up.
Her- Depending on creepiness factor giggles all night or makes crepes.

Before?? and after

Where do 'before' pictures suddenly pop out from? 'Oh, my acne looks particularly bad today, where's the camera?' 'Look how far my gut hangs over my belt, I think I'll take my shirt off, frown, and document it. ' 'This may be a new record of plaque on my teeth, click' It worries me. Should I start taking random pictures of myself in odd poses in case my body suddenly gets in shape? Should I stop brushing for a few months and then contact Crest to see if they need a testimonial? I guess I'll just take some regular photos and see if I can change anything in the future.

X marx the spot

What is with the letter 'x' trying to over-run the alphabet? It used to be probably the most rarely used letter and now it's all over the place. I blame this mostly on young teenage girls, IM and texting. My belief is that it is mostly used because an average person thinx it's easier to use a single letter, 'x' than actually typing two FULL LETTERS! Hmm, they're probably right. Can you imagine what we've been missing? So I've tried only using 'x' over the past few days, it's amazing! Thanx to these innovators I have saved hundreds of milliseconds in e-mails and texts. It may seem that this new ideal of mine lax creativity, but I consider it to be brilliant. I have way more time now to read boox, which I actually usually spend watching movies and eating snax. I believe that the nation would save money if it only used 'x', we'd eventually save paper and solve the financial crisis with our banx. It's up to each one of us to bring 'x' into the spotlight. Sure we might get some occasional weird loox from grammatically correct people, but we have to do our part. Also, part of our part I feel should be changing the abbreviation for the central most state of the union to just plain X.
Just bringing 'x' into the spotlight isn't enough, we will have to push a different letter to the bax or our minds. Don't re-read this all now, but because of this I have eliminated the letter 'K' from this entire post....except for that one. Pretty sure I covered my trax. So join with me and hundreds of thirteen-year-old girls in our effort to annihilate the above mentioned letter...that follows 'J'

Cast:

Ice rinx (uncredited)
Tanx (uncredited)

oh Christmas, you festive gem! Once about every year or so we get to celebrating the birth of one Jesus Christ. We do this in possibly the best way ever, by spending time with our families and friends. Life really couldn't be much better. So here is a Christmas shout out to everyone. Make it a good one.

reliving the glory days

While walking through the grocery store the other day I saw some GoGurt. It reminded me of my childhood so I decided to get some. I was then in the snack section and saw snack packs which also reminded me of my earlier years. I then decided to walk through the entire store and buy things for my trip down memory lane. I was fully loaded with the above mentioned items along with String Cheese, Squeeze-Its, Capri Sun, Chewy Granola Bars, Otter Pops, Animal Crackers, Fruity Pebbles and Pop Tarts. As I looked into my childish eyes which were the items in my cart I slowly formulated a question to as myself. "How are you still alive?" I don't think there was a single nutrient in my entire cart (except maybe the Dr Pepper that wasn't part of my flash back, but I didn't know for sure). I thought back to my youth again trying to see vegetables and fruits in there. I definitely found them, but they were never the things that stuck out. I took another lap around the store and added baby carrots and some canned veggies. I felt a lot better about myself after adding them back into my life and restructuring the pyramid of my youth. All the food is pretty much gone now but I don't have a can opener and it just isn't right to eat carrots without Ranch...

online crowds

So it turns out you can find awesome deals the day after Thanksgiving. Who would have thought? So I'm kind of addicted to shopping for things online. Granted so far all I've bought is DVDs, but it's pretty nice. Turns out Best Buy has over 400 DVDs on sale online, which is pretty great. It sure beats having to cram into the stores and fight the crowds. No worries about parking. No disgruntled sales clerks. Just pure internet bliss...

a couple of couples

With the family gathering together for Thanksgiving festivities I've come to notice one thing painfully clear. I'm single. With my parents being married, my oldest sibling being married, and my next oldest sibling heavily in a relationship, I only become more aware of how much not in a relationship I am. The two siblings younger than me that are close-ish to my age are gone too. So the singles are just me and Tag, the 13-year-old...I thought singles awareness day was in February...

There's not a lot worse...

So I woke up this morning to my alarm playing "sleepless" by Until June (I thought that would make me not so tired when I woke up). Due to the NyQuil taken roughly eight hours before I was finding it very difficult to get myself out of bed. Fortunately I didn't fall asleep again before I could force myself out of bed. I took a shower and downed some quick breakfast. I was about to check the syllabus for my first class to see what the reading was that I hadn't completed, but realized that I only barely had enough time to get to class so it wouldn't matter. I trudged through the bitter cold that is November as it sweeps through Utah valley. I took the stairs of insanity two at a time and walked briskly to the Brimhall building. Once in I ran up the stairs to the third floor. Trying to return my breathing to a normal indoor level I walked to the other side of the building where my class was.........was not. A note on the board said, "No class today. In the syllabus today is listed as a preparation for case analysis day, have a good one." Thoughts flashed through my mind...the snooze button, an actual breakfast, walking to school in the afternoon instead of the bitter morning, taking the steps one at a time with a lunch break in the middle, SLEEEEEEEEEEP!

I guess that's what I get for taking NyQuil last Wednesday too and sleeping though this class on Thursday.

but does it matter?

I'm in a news reporting class which means I have the wonderful opportunity to write for the infamous...or unfamous Daily Universe. After my first few weeks I have discovered that while blogging and news writing are completely different, there are a few similarities.
One of the major differences is that when blogging I can say whatever I want, whereas with news writing I have to be factual and politically correct. Another difference is that I have to be punctual and have timely deadlines with the newspaper, totally different from the I-have-half-a-thought-so-I'm-going-to-write-something-witty-about-it mentality. But the mail similarity surprised me.
Not a whole lot of people read my blog. Not a whole lot of people read the Daily Universe, much less actually read stories about sporting events that they've already been to or don't care about. So why all the hubbub about facts, deadlines and being PC if nobody is there to read it anyway?

Season 6

So my ward planned this awesome movie watching party for this Thursday at 8:00. Wait a minute, I thought that they wanted people to come to this movie watching party. Then why would they plan it during the 6th season premier of The Office? Miss The Office or miss a TBA G-rated ward movie...? Looks like the only option I have is to show up late for the movie and hope that there are refreshments after the Feature Film for Freshman Families.

kicked out of the club

Imagine you are associated with a group of people that were very well-known. Maybe it is considered a very prestigious thing to be associated with these people. Maybe being associated with these people makes you famous, it isn't an opportunity that most people have, maybe less than a dozen people will ever have this opportunity. Other people would read about you and know who you were for generations. You would be up there with the stars. After all of this, how would you feel to have it ripped away from you? To have the fame and glory taken away. Maybe people will decide that you don't have what it takes to be associated with these people. Maybe they feel that after all this time they can just decide that you don't quite cut it. And they take it away from you and you can never get it back. You're embarrassed and humiliated. People still know who you are but it doesn't count for anything. You will eventually fade and as time goes on people will forget you ever existed. How would that make you feel?

I think that it would be pretty crappy. I'm just sayin', I feel for ya Pluto.

People Watching

Ya know those days when you've just got nothing to do? I had just such an evening starting about 5 hours ago. I hopped in my car and drove to a nearby grocery store. It happened to be the Smith's Marketplace on Freedom and roughly 350 N in Provo. It was roughly 9 o'clock when I exited the store with a few Sobe™ drinks and some Whoppers™ I sat in my car opening the goodies while watching a few people also exiting the store. This apparently lasted, according to the clock in the car, for about 3 hours before I realized that my drinks were gone, my candy had spilt, and I had to pee.

I was totally enthralled and intrigued. I saw 5 near accidents, 17 PDA offenders, 2 inappropriate PDA offenders, 3 inappropriate hand gestures, 1 dropped bag of groceries, 2 different people taking pictures next to the same sports car (one just a few seconds before the actual owner of the car exited the store), 1 probable drug transaction, 2 failed pick-up attempts by the same guy, 1 creeper talking on the payphone for about 40 minutes (yet he didn't move his lips much), 6 people taking smoking breaks, and the only person I've ever seen buy a porch swing from a grocery store.

I seemed to find the best way to take a completely uneventful evening into an uneventful evening watching other people's slightly more eventful evenings. But I think blogging about it kicks me up to about their level, so I'm feeling good about that.

Snowflake Dispensers

There are some things that I understand need to come in different varieties and variations. People have different personalities and therefor want different products and services to suffice their personal needs. All people like different types of cars, music, movies, clothing, food, etc... These are all things that are pretty substantial in defining a person's identity.

One thing, however, that I DON'T understand is why there are so many different types of paper towel dispensers. I'm not sure I have ever been to two different public restrooms and had the same paper towel dispensing experience. There are hundreds, literally hundreds of various styles. The interesting thing is that none of these dispensers seem to satisfy commonly addressed identity issues. Also, 95% of them fall in the same sufficiency margins...which is unfortunately low. Here are some examples:

The Slot Machine
You pull down the magical nob sticking out and an irritatingly small amount of paper towel comes out, causing you to crank it about 13 times before you can even see it coming out.









The Push
The same basic design as the slot machine but more finger friendly. Now you don't flick water all up and down the wall as you're trying to get the towels out to dry off.







The Wave
Someone is making bank on this by getting motion detectors used in more places than garage flood lights. The main problem is that it's too slow, and I'm pretty sure the government uses them to keep track of population movements by using advanced infrared fingerprint scanning technology.







The Fall Out
Though it is very basic, this is probably the best, most reliable and safest model they've come out with yet. No gadgets or mechanisms that will constantly break. Just simple gravity required, available in most areas.









Why are there so many different kinds? Nobody knows. Which means the true answer is again marketing. Everybody wants to get their hands in as many markets as possible, wet or dry. The more prestigious competitors have left paper completely and take a far greener approach.


Hit it
One of the best technologies on which to take out your standard anger. I always felt the harder I hit it the longer it would stay on. This one is very effective at blowing all the water off your hands and down onto your pants.







Aerial Bliss
New and exciting piece also blatantly plagued with government tracking. Effectively blows your hands dry without making it look like you had a bit of an accident.








So despite all of our breakthroughs in technology, we're still staying as diverse as ever. Keeping things American I suppose. Because of an unwillingness to conform to or support any of these lifestyles or to let the government know what I'm up to, I steer clear of all such devices. I have found 'just holding it' to be the best solution.

Marketing? I should say so.

Among the greatest television commercials

Budweiser - Wazzup!


Budweiser - What are you doing?!


McDonald's - Recital


Carlton Draught - Big ad


Dr Pepper - I would do anything for love


Miller Beer - Domino


Hurrah for a business class where all you do is watch TV spots for all the best beverages and fast food hot spots.

McNeil 2nd Sunday

As far back as time can stretch, there have been reasons to party. When the cavemen invented the wheel, they partied. They probably all took turns sitting inside the wheel and rolling it down from their patios. The ancient Egyptians celebrated the completion of the pyramids with a going away party for the aliens that helped them build them. Columbus celebrated finding America by persecuting the inhabitants of the land he discovered. Abraham Lincoln celebrated the end of the civil war by going to watch a play. All of these are examples of ways that people have celebrated different events over the ages. So we, as descendants, naturally have uncontrollable needs to have such celebration.

Because of this, the McNeil 2nd Sunday was invented.

Almost every month has at least two Sundays....is that not reason enough to celebrate? On these special occasions when the second Sunday of any month comes around, people gather at the Dane and Marianne McNeil household for well prepared home cooking. These gatherings started over 25 years ago when the above party first became official and legally bonded. Over the next 13 years the group increased by a number or two every few years. It peaked at 8 members for the longest time, having some inflation and deflation owing to exchange students, friends and other house-guests. But it has only been within the past few years that McNeil 2nd Sunday really took off.

With a new increase in the age of nephews and nieces, the amount of McNeil blood flowing in the Orem/Provo region increased. Naturally, so did the attendance at the 2nd Sunday's version of the McNeil dinner table. These days were filled with eating, talkativeness, laughter and games in the basement. Since those days, the numbers have grown even more. Many additions were made when one carrying McNeil blood was legally and eternally bound to another. It follows that they would also be able to attend 2nd Sunday festivities with their significant others, respectively.

Along with blood carriers' better halves, roommates of carriers began to attend also. This made for many changes. It increased the amount of food eaten, noise level, laughs and upped the ante on the games that could be played. Unfortunately not everyone can stay living here in the area forever, and many of our number have left us. Though some of our most cherished members have left, the tradition lives on with their memories.

So if you're ever in the area and it happens to be the second Sunday of any given month under the stars, drop on in for some food and good times. Just call in advance so we can save you a seat. If you're not in the area on one of these the second Sundays, just know that you're not having quite as much fun as we are.

But you don't really need this much money to celebrate Christmas

So a few friends and I were driving around a few days ago looking at Christmas lights and having a good time. We went out to Salem and looked at some lights floating on a pond that are set up to look like Christmas trees. They looked really neat out there, especially with their reflections. They also had a bunch of trees with mysteriously un-Christmas-like green and blue spotlights on them. But they looked cool anyway. A lit bridge spans the pond and provides a fantastic place for all visitors to freeze out in the open with winds coming from all directions. We had hot chocolate and continued looking at lights. It wasn't very exciting cause we didn't think there would be much out there to top what we had just seen. My sister had told me about a house that was uniquely decorated, so I decided to check it out. We drove around the foothills of Orem and Lindon for quite a while before we came to a house with flashing lights ALL over the place. There was a sign out front that instructed us to tune our radio to 99.9. The entire light show was put to music!! More and more lights would come on as the music would progress, lights would change colors, speeds and brightness. They were actually in sync with the music! I wasn't quite sure it was possible. We were all very impressed with our new discovery and it kinda pushed the whole pond scene out of our minds. This seemed to be quite a bit more advanced. It's amazing what they can do with technology these days. Either that or the home owner has enough time on his hands to sit inside flipping a few light switches while everyone else enjoys a fantastic yule celebration.

fitting in after the 'mish'

I'm praying that I'm not the only one who feels this way, but when I got home from my mission, I found it a bit difficult to fit in right away. It seemed like the entire world had changed in just 2 short years. When the last movie that you saw before you left was Superman Returns and back when HomestarRunner.com was still popular....

Walking around campus I realized that I didn't understand what people were talking about over 70% of the time. People would also talk about restaurants that I'd never heard of. 93% of everything my family says comes from movie quotes and I was feeling really out of place. So here is what I did to try to pull myself out of this awkwardness and place myself back into 'the swing of things.'

1 - I started watching "The Office." I knew that this would help a little bit, but I didn't realize that it would completely cover the 70% of conversations that I was lacking and quite a bit of the family quotes. Who knew something could become that popular without me.

2 - I went to Demae and tried Sushi. I didn't really see how this would help me all that much, but everyone told me that it was a must. There were about everybody in the world there eating raw fish. I even kinda liked it. People were coming up to me and congratulating me on getting out of the awkward stage of my life. What is that supposed to mean?

3 - As for the movies, it's a never-ending battle. I've watched several and am further behind than when I started. So on that I've given up, but noticed that nobody really cares. I saw The Dark Knight and the Pixar films, that helped a lot. And I learned a few quotes from other movies, just to help me out. Simple things like, "I'm kind of a big deal" "Life is like a box of chocolates..." and "Never go against a Sicilian when death is on the line!"

So I'm walking around with my head up these days. I understand what people are saying when they tell me that I act like Michael Scott or have the mental capacity of Kevin Malone, so I'm feeling pretty good about myself.

social eating

On Wednesdays I'm on campus all day, seriously it's ridiculous. In the middle of these days I get extremely hungry. It happens every time. I usually end up eating in the cafeteria, and usually eat some delicious sandwich from Subway. After purchasing my food I have the ever-so-fun task of looking for a place to sit...by myself.

While walking around looking for a seat I see about 30 tables with only one person sitting at them. I think of how these people look lame and friendless. So I decide to play a little game. I find a table and sit all by myself and pretend to be just like them. I sit down, throw my backpack onto the chair next to me and look around cautiously as I unwrap my sandwich. As I eat I give these fake looks of longing at the other tables where conversations are actually taking place.

I usually pretend to get some of the dressing on my face and fake feeling stupid for never remembering to pick up a few napkins while I'm at the register. I do this whole routine where I pick up the food that has fallen onto the wrapper and put it back in the sandwich, making myself appear to be inept and unconscious of everything around me.

When I finish my lunch I wrap up the mess that I've made and give a semi-satisfied look. I give a last pretend look around the cafeteria to see if there is anyone at all that I know, then give a fake look of disappointment. I throw my garbage away and start to walk out when I 'remember' that I've left my backpack. I pretend to get all embarrassed and go back for it while avoiding all eye contact. I then walk out by myself, but really I'm feeling bad for all the people in there who really do have to eat all by themselves like social outcasts. The sad part is, they probably don't even have the slightest clue that they're one of them.

courtesy on crutches

I have noticed over the past few days that people don't have a whole lot of respect for people that use crutches to walk around. Apparently we feel that because we can walk around with just our two good legs that we are better than those who have to use a couple of rudimentary poles to assist them. I have decided to devote a few inches of internet space to showing how we can be more courteous to these people in their unfortunate circumstances. Here is a list of a few simple things that you can do.

When you are walking down a long bit of stairs, and there is a person using crutches also walking down the stairs, they generally are going quite a bit slower than you. Be courteous and don't make NASCAR racing sounds as you pass them, just because you can fly past at a quick rate.

When you want to kick the crutches out from underneath someone, think about what you are doing first. You have to be strategic. If you want to be a jerk and hurt them, kick out the crutch on the side of their injured leg. This will cause them to hit that foot on the ground and cause lots of pain. If you just want to be funny and give everyone a good laugh, kick out the crutch opposite their injured leg. This will just trip them up and they'll fall neatly on their healthy side.

It can be frustrating when you are in a hurry, walking down a narrow hallway behind someone who is on crutches. Determine whether you want to be mean or funny, follow the steps in the above paragraph, then jump over them. Try to make a good effort at a laugh as you run by, so that people don't think you're just being malicious.

Lastly, remember that things happen in life. There is a chance that sometime you will be on crutches. I hope that if that happens you will remember this blog, and realize why people do the things they do. It's not out of hate, spite, anger, inconvenience, or frustration. So when you look up at us from the floor remember it's okay to laugh a little, cause we thinks it's funny too.

.....?

I had a great idea for a blog today. I was so excited to write about it. I had thought of some key sentences that I would use to make it ridiculously funny. I even had a very well

planned paragraph break. I got to the library and onto my computer and loaded up my blog. By the time it opened up to the "compose" screen, I'd totally forgotten what I wanted to say. I tried and tried to think of what I wanted to write, but it wasn't coming back to me. I sat there for several minutes but nothing happened. I felt cheated in not being able to write what I wanted to. I thought about how lame it was that I couldn't remember what I wanted to say. It was even almost worth writing about itself......almost.