California Girls

I recently returned from a vacation from Sunnyvale, California. For those of you who do not know where that is, it is the long skinny state on the west coast that almost got John Kerry elected all by it's self. This blog is to speculate the statement which states something like, "California girls are the best looking." or "No girls compare to California girls" or "I wish they all could be California girls." I have observed from many angles these well known proverbs and have come to one conclusion, they are all FALSE! We'll start with statement #1 "California girls are the best looking." Have you ever driven through BYU campus? Case closed. Statement #2 "No girls compare to California girls." Yes I will admit that California has some extremely attractive girls, but have you ever driven through BYU campus? Statement #3 "I wish they all could be California girls." If every girl were a 'California girl' what would we do with BYU??

Master Plan

Why is it that you can take a normal, average looking guy and make him look like a total idiot just by introducing a into his life. You can ruin a person with stuff like that. I am convinced that guys and s were not meant to know about eachother until the s were 23 and the guys were at least 25. Somewhere this master plan has been foiled and now s are out on the loose ruining guys lives. It's worse than that though, they won't just ruin a life and then move on. They'll ruin a life and then stick around to make sure that any time the guy is trying to pick up the pieces, she's there to knock them all apart again. This heartlessness must be stopped.

KELF

Everyone who has experienced high school has at one point or another known what it is like to not want to go to class. So often times they will try to think of something else that they can do instead of just sitting around. If the person has money then they could go out to breakfast or lunch (depending on the time of day of course.) But if they have no money then what do they have? Most of these poor people that have no money can not think of anything to do so they end up just going to class. This is a sad fate and it must be avoided. For this cause the UVSC Distance Education students in C-3 of Orem High School have developed and perfected KELF. This sport was actually discovered by OHS students. The story goes like this.
One day I was sitting in C-3 watching my Meteorology class when I noticed that I was thirsty. I then took my facilitator's keys and went to the Teacher's Lounge to get a drink (because in the teacher's lounge they are only $.50) As I was walking back to class I saw Alex Call walking away from the classroom. So to get his attention, I took my keys out of my pocket and threw them at him. It later occurred to me that this may not have been the best way to get his attention, but it worked. When the keys hit the ground they landed on a blue tile. (There are random blue and yellow tiles all throughout my school, cause those are the school colors.) Then Alex said, "Hey, that landed right in the middle of this blue square here! Let me see if I can get it to land on a blue square."
Thus, KELF was born. KELF is a mixture of two words, KEy and goLF, cause it's like golfing with keys. So that is pretty much what we did all through this school year is throw our keys down the halls and try to get them to land on specific tiles. The hardest course that we made was the one that goes right by the counseling office and ends up by the principals office. But it's the most fun. So the next time that you are in school and decide to sluff class, try playing KELF. I promise that it is more fun than you can imagine right now. This will open up a door to a whole new room in the funness of your life. Ü

Hi Jack!

As I was sitting here thinking of what to write about, the phone rang. On the caller I.D. it said Delta Airlines. I usually don't answer the phone when it says that because I know it's for my dad. But my dad was on a trip so I was confused as to why Delta would be calling. So I answered the phone and they asked for my mom. I told the lady that my mom was gone shopping for a while and asked if I could take a message. She then began to tell me that the plane that my dad was flying was hijacked while it was still on the runway. She then said that there was no way to tell what was going on in the airplane because the communication had been cut. I didn't know what to do, I was so scared. I quickly called my mom on her cell phone but she didn't answer it. I freaked out, I didn't know what to do. After about 10 minutes Delta called back with updates. They told me that the plane had taken off and was headed over the Atlantic Ocean (from JFK International Airport.) I had no idea what to do!! I couldn't find my mom and nobody else was in the house. I called my grandparents house and told my grandma and she started crying. She told me to hang up quickly and wait for more information from Delta. About 15 minutes after I got off the phone with my grandma Delta called back. The lady seemed calm and told me not to worry. But I was still in a freak panic, I wanted to know what the heck was going on with my dad. She assured me that everything would be okay because the President of Spain was on that flight. This made no sense to me, so I asked what in the name of the ruler of Spain that had to do with. She then explained that it was in Spain when the first day of April because known as April Fool's Day.

A Place

I've decided that everybody should have a place to go when they just need to be alone. A place where you can go just to get away. Away from life, away from family, away from friends, away from school, just away. A place where you can think and not have to worry about being interrupted or distracted. A place where you can feel comfort. A place where you can find peace. A place to relax. A place where you can scream. A place where you can cry (not that I cry or anything like that;) But mostly it needs to be a place where you can be alone where nobody would think of coming to look for you. You should use this place anytime you are not feeling right. That can mean you are feeling mad, sad, depressed, alone, confused, or even jealous. Just sit down in your own little place and absorb good feelings. I know that it sounds kind of cheesy but trust me, it works.

TAX

I just got back from vacationing in Oregon to visit my cousins, Stacey and Julie. Actually, I was visiting their whole family but since Stacey and Julie are closest to my age, and are the ones that I play with, I say that I was visiting them. So while I was on this vacation there were a few times when we would go to a store to buy something. The first time I was in a Wal-Mart and I was buying Wrigley's WinterFresh Gum TM. So I got up to the register and was prepared to pay for the 89 cent package with a 1 dollar bill. I did so and the cashier took my money and gave me back 11 cents in change. This caused me to pause and think for a moment. Surely this could not be correct, what about the sales tax, but then it struck me. THERE IS NO SALES TAX IN OREGON!!! This instantly put me in a fantastic mood and made me want to go buy more cheap stuff. We then went into a store with the title "The Dollar Tree" We have these stores in Utah also and they pride themselves in advertising that everything in the store is just one dollar. But If you only have one dollar you cannot walk into the store and buy a single item because of a sales tax. But when you are in Oregon you can purchase anything you want in that entire store having nothing more than 100 pennies. But of course there is always a drawback. Oregon makes up for the money by placing insane property taxes. This is why I have decided that when I grow up I will beat the system by living in Washington or on the peninsula of Idaho and crossing the border to do all of my shopping.

The Shaft

I've noticed that there really is no good way to break up with someone. No matter what they say to you to sugar coat it or justify it, it is still going to hurt. They could do it by saying that they wanted to play 20 questions and then ask "If someone were to ask you tomorrow if we were still together, what would you say?" Then when you answered "Well I would say yes" because you weren't expecting anything. But then she (or he) might just say "Well then you would be wrong." And that could totally hurt because that's probably not the kindest way to let someone go. But on the other end of the spectrum, they could just start a nice and totally ordinary conversation with you. Then they would ask some simple questions and give simple answers to your questions. And they could be totally loving and kind during the whole thing. And it would still hurt just as bad afterwards. So what I'm saying is that I guess I realize that these things are going to hurt so I might as well just learn to get over them. It's practically a natural part of life when you are "going out" in high school. Now if I could just remember that, this wouldn't hurt so bad.

A Kiss

So tonight for my "Introduction to the History of Theater" class I went to see a junior high school's production of "The Music Man" Since it was a junior high school production I did not expect it to be all that grand. And my expectations were actually almost exactly what the play turned out to be. But there were some things that happened that I was not expecting. Like the part where Marian and Professor Hill are talking on the bridge, they actually kissed. And it was not a kiss that Disney would have put in one of his movies (unless you count "A Cinderella Story" or other movies that have come out recently that I'm pretty sure Walt wouldn't be too happy about) So I'm sitting there thinking, wow, this kid is only 14 years old and he's already into the kissing bit. Then I finally realized what all of this meant. It meant that he had beaten me by 3 years!! That's just pathetic. So I leaned over to inform my younger brother of this humiliating discovery when he announced to me that this was not the first time, but that he kissed someone in a play last year. So instead of 3, he totally shows me up by beating me by 4 years!! And that's just counting the ones that we can prove. Who knows, he could have beaten me by up to 14 years! Actually I don't think it counts until after you are at least 12ish so the most he could have beaten my by is 5 years. So anyway, after the play I go to congratulate him on a play well performed and he's just got this smug little smile on his face. A look like he knows exactly what I'm thinking and he just thinks that it's funny that he is such an American Idol and I'm just a walking "wanna be". Except he's younger than me so that would make me a "wish I coulda been."

Parking Violation

Have you ever been trying to find a parking place in a fairly full parking lot and you finally think that you see a good spot but when get there you see that some idiot has parked in a way that he is taking up more than one parking spot? Or just seen somebody parked taking up 4 spots just because they have a nice car? Or parked at the end of a row where there isn't a parking space? Or parked by a red curb that says, "No Parking Anytime"? It is something that has bugged me for quite a long time and has caused me to think about being a police officer and just giving out parking tickets. I've also thought about becoming president so that I can implement a death penalty for parking violations. But those seem kinda drastic. And often times, people just need a friendly little reminder that tells them how stupid they are. So I found this little message that I like to print off and toss on these people's windshields. It seems to work quite effectively.

PARKING VIOLATION

This is not a ticket, but if it were within my

power, you would receive two. Because of

your Bull Headed, inconsiderate, feeble

attempt at parking. You have taken enough

room for a 20 mule team, 2 elephants, 1 goat

and a safari of pygmies from the African

interior, The reason for giving you this is so

that in the future you may think of someone

else, other than yourself. Besides I don't like

domineering, egotistical or simple minded

driver and you probably fit into at least

one of these categories.

I sign of wishing you an early transmission

failure (on the expressway at about 4:30

p.m.). Also may the Fleas of a thousand

camels infest your armpits

WITH MY COMPLIMENTS

Now this may not change the attitude of the jerk who parked as though he were the king of some small foreign nation that nobody has ever heard of. But I can guarantee that it'll make you feel a whole lot better. So if you'd like you can copy this and paste and print them out to use at your own discretion. Any violent consequences that may occur due to the use of these strategically organized words can not be held against me.